If You Really Knew Me
by MissTwilghtLover6
Summary: Bella:Rebel, Alice:Outcast, Rosalie:Queen Bee, Edward:Player, Jasper:Druggie, Emmett:Jock. They're all divided into different cliques. Everyone has something to hide. The show If You Really Knew Me comes to their school and their walls begin to crumble.
1. Introductions

**Hey everyone I have just thought of this story while watching If You Really Knew Me.**

**Summary: Bella: Rebel, Alice: Outcast, Rosalie: Queen Bee, Edward: Player, Jasper: Druggie, Emmett: Jock. They are all divided into different cliques. Everyone has something they are hiding. The show If You Really Knew Me comes to their school and their walls begin to crumble.**

**I will write this disclaimer now and it applies through the whole story I don't own any of the Twilight characters or anything that I use that belongs to Stephanie Meyer**

Bella POV:

I was sitting in the Principal Greene's Office again today. It was the first day of the week and I was already sent here because I got caught smoking under the bleachers during class time. I don't get what the big deal is. I mean do they want me to smoke in class. I don't think so.

My name is Isabella Swan but I like to be called Bella. I am 17 years old. I am 5'4. I was born in Forks, Washington but when I was only two my mom, Renee Swan, got over the restriction the town held because it was so small. She told my dad, Charlie Swan, that he would have to choose us or Forks. My dad didn't want to lose us so he moved away with us to Phoenix, Arizona. I know it must have killed him inside to leave but it would've hurt more not too. They fought a lot over it but they still loved each other deeply and still do.

My mum is a free sprit she was always changing her mind and trying new things and she makes me do all her crazy little or not so little ideas with her. I have been bungee jumping and sky diving with her. I learnt yoga, kick boxing and so many different things, and while my mom was jumping from one thing to another my dad got a job in the Police force.

He thought he could do more with himself and he did. He joined the Army. It was frightening and difficult to watch him leave and know that might be our last goodbye. He did all the training and fought for our country. He soon became Command Sergeant Major Swan. I am proud to call him my dad. When he left for the Army I was only 14. When dad did come home once a year it was hard because it wasn't home for him but Forks was. So a year after he was in the army my mom decided to move back to Forks for dad, and for me I guess.

So two years later here I am. My dad is in Iraq at the moment fighting. He hasn't come home yet for the year and I can't wait until he does. I need to know he is alive. He can only stay for a week max but I cherish every moment of it.

"What have you done now to land yourself in my office, Bella?" Principal Greene said tiredly interrupting my thoughts. I was here so often that he was like acquaintance of sorts. Mr. Greene was about 52 years old and had grey hair but he didn't have much of it, seeing as he was balding at the top of his head but he made up for it in his bushy grey eyebrows. He was short and chubby. He always wore a suit and tie to school. I don't know why he would, it's only Forks.

"Oh you know the usual. I got caught smoking under the bleachers" I said with a smirk on my lips.

"This is the second time you have been to my office today Miss Swan and half the day hasn't even passed yet" sighed Mr. Greene "though I must say that it isn't as bad as your usual schemes"

"They aren't schemes. They are just what I do for fun" I said defending myself.

"Call it whatever you like Miss Swan but I am still giving you 2 days after school detention" Mr. Greene told me. As soon as he said that I knew we were done here so I stood up quickly to leave. I was just at the door and about to walk out when Mr. Greene stopped me.

"Don't forget your 3 days of lunch detention from this morning's incident where you were caught" he said "and remember you will have to pay for the damage"

"Yeah yeah I know already" I said walking out the door and slamming it behind me. I walked out the Administration office and started towards my baby to grab my other lighter because my other one got confiscated on me.

My baby is a black 2010 RCR Series 3 Chevy Camaro. It was a muscle car but I loved her. Yes that's right I called my car her but she has feeling. That's why no-one is allowed to drive Christine but me. My dad got her for me for my seventeenth birthday because he couldn't be there for my sixteenth and fifteenth birthday. I was so happy when I woke up to find her sitting in the driveway with a ribbon. It had a small card attached to it telling me to go to the kitchen. I ran because I recognized my dad's handwriting and sure enough he was standing there in his uniform with my mum smiling. I never ran so fast in my life jumping on him. I know that day that dad just being there was the best present he could ever give me.

I was startled out of my thought when the bell rang signaling the start of lunch. I saw everyone quickly rushing out of class to go and meet up with their friends. _If they have any friends_, I thought to myself as I saw the outcast Alice Brandon.

Alice Brandon has lived here all of her life. She is always wearing the up to date fashion unlike me. She is really nice and hyper but she is an outcast to all the student body. She doesn't fit in with the rebels for sure but she does give good revenge on people and I think that's why no one bothers her much. She doesn't fit in with the drama clubs or any clubs for that matter but she could talk for ages and you would stay interested. She doesn't fit in with the cheerleaders or any of the popular crowd but she sure could if she wanted to but she doesn't want to be friends with people who like her just for her clothes and looks because trust me she was beautiful. She was petite, 5 foot nothing, had black hair that was short and flicked in all directions and grey eyes that seemed to sparkle when she looked at you. She could fit in with the so called 'nerds' because she was really smart and gets A's in most of her classes but she isn't obsessed with getting good grades. The only clique I don't think she could fit in with is the stoners because I think she is just too innocent for that. She could fit in with any clique if she wanted to but why doesn't she? I honestly don't know but I do know that on my first day here she was the only one who didn't stare at me like I was a freak show and she tried to be my friend but I said no. I regret ever saying no to her.

I quickly grabbed my lighter and headed towards lunch. As I walked in I took a quick glance around the room. As they roamed the room they stopped on Alice sitting in the only window ledge slowly eating her lunch out of her brown paper bag. She looked up sensing my gaze on her and her eyes were shocked when she realized it was me. I stepped into line and gave her a small nod. She smiled slightly and nodded back. I quickly looked away and ordered my lunch which consisted of fries, pizza and a bottle of water. I may be small but I like my food.

With Alice I think it was a small understanding between us. We didn't talk but respected each other. I respected her for staying true to who she is and she respected me because well, I don't know. There is nothing to respect me about unless you count me taking the hit as much as possible for my friends. I know they don't want me to but I was always taught to take the hit if it meant someone else didn't.

I paid for my lunch and walked over to my table where all my friends were sitting. I slapped my tray down onto the table and slid into my seat as they all looked at me. I gave them all a glare and they quickly returned to their conversation.

"So there is a big party tomorrow at Emmett's house next Friday. His parents are out of town for the night and its free invitation, you all in?" Irina asked as she explained it to us all. I didn't know if I wanted to go or not but what harm could it do?

"Do you even have to ask me if I'm going?" Kate said with a small laugh when she answered her sister.

"Well I'm only going if Carmen is going" Eleazer said smiling at his long term girlfriend for 3 years but begging with his eyes for her to go to the party.

"I'm going to go, baby" Carmen said with a slight smirk on her lips. Eleazer quickly kissed the smirk off her lips though when he heard her say that.

"I'm definitely going. Have I ever said no to free booze?" Garrett said laughing with everyone else.

"Are you coming Bella?" Carmen asked me once the laughter died down. I looked up and quickly swallowed the food I had in my mouth already. I looked around at all my friends.

"I don't know. I mean it is Emmet's house" I told them. Just as I said this Emmett and his friends burst into the laughter. I remember a couple of months ago he was out with a sports injury and it was like his whole clique was lost. They didn't know what to do without him. It was always what would've Emmett said or what would've he thought if we did this. It was completely pathetic. Emmett McCarthy is the star quarterback and a typical jock. He gets average grades and all the girls want to be with him and all the guys want to be him. It ridiculous because once our senior year is over he will be nothing out of this school. Sure he will get a football scholarship and continue to do that but he won't be the number one guy in the school. I don't know if he is a nice guy or not. I haven't even spoken two words to him. He fits the jock roll well because he is tall about 6'3, short brown hair, blue eyes and a body builders body. He was very attractive but I don't know if he is my type.

"Come on Bella, it free booze and we are all going to be there" Garrett reasoned with me. I sighed and just nodded my head and Carmen started squealing.

"We will have so much fun. I can't wait" She excitedly squealed. Before she could go on about how much fun she would have the bell rang signaling the end of lunch. I sighed quietly with gratitude and picked up my tray and started to walk away but quickly stopped and turned around.

"I will see you all in class but I got to go… do something first" I told them to cover the reason I wasn't going to class was because Carmen will be overly excited. I could hear Garrett laughing at me as I walked away.

I went outside to my baby before I went to class and got in to have a joint. None of the teachers would check in cars and I had Study Hall next so it wasn't a big deal if I was late. I slowly smoked it and relaxed more and more. Once I finished I got out of my car and popped a chewy into my mouth as I walked into the school halls. I arrived out the front of where Study Hall was held and pushed the doors open. I lazily walked over to my group of friends and slumped into the chair.

"Hey, Bella we were just talking about what we will wear to the party" Carmen squealed while I groaned.

"Oh great" I said in an obvious fake cheerful voice with a huge fake smile. Carmen glared at me quickly but she didn't say anything else to me and continued talking excitedly to Irina and Kate. I rolled my eyes and turned to the boys.

They were talking about some new game or something like that. Deciding I didn't want to be in either of their conversations I looked around the room.

I was surprised to see a ranger of all the different cliques. There was the jock's which happens to include Emmett at one table. They were all talking and laughing loudly like they wanted people to know they were in the room.

There were the Cheerleaders with the Queen Bee of the school sitting in the middle, Rosalie Hale. Rosalie was that girl that all the boys and even some girls wanted to date and the one that made girls green with envy. Rosalie has natural long blonde hair that flowed down her back and whatever little sunshine Forks had always managed to catch it and make it look even better. She has the hourglass figure that made the boys drool and girls would kill for. She was probably around 5'11 but it just made her legs look like they could go on forever. Her eyes though spoke a language that no one could ever understand. They were a stunning violet color but it wasn't the color that made me stunned it was the story begging to be told behind them. I could tell this stunning woman had a story to be told. It wasn't something anyone could pick up on. She hid it well but I could read people and her words are screaming at me from the page. I couldn't read the language though. I can't decipher it but I know there is pain and heartache in there.

There were the Players of the school here too. The king player, Edward Cullen, was sitting down flirting with Lauren Mallory. Edward hasn't grown up in Forks. He moved here 2 years ago and fitted right in. He has never really spoken about his past before he came here but no one needed to know. Everyone loved him. Edward is the guy that has a new girl each day hanging off his arm. He just has this confident vibe about him but he was almost too confident it comes across cocky and the girls loved it. Edward had every right to be cocky about his looks though. He had a strange bronze color hair that always seemed to look like he just rolled out of bed or had sex. I'm going to say the latter. He stood at about 6'1 and a muscular body but it was lean too. His eyes were his secret weapon though and I could understand why. They were the brightest emerald green I have ever seen. One look in those eyes along with his signature smile and you had no chance.

There was Stoners of the school who all looked like they didn't know what was going on. The leader of the group though was Jasper Whitlock. I don't know if he is because he is the school drug dealer or if it was because the strong vibes he gave that made you think he was just the one in control. I don't know much about Jasper or who his family is. It's like no one knows of him outside of this school. When you first see him you wouldn't think he was on drugs but if you looked closer and into his eyes you would see the signs. They are bloodshot and his pupils are so dilated that you can never seem to take time to appreciate his gorgeous blue eyes. His wavy blonde hair came to the nape of his neck and it would cover his eyes at times, obstructing your view of his eyes even more. He is probably around 6'2 and lean. Though you could still see the fit muscle outline through his clothes. He had a scar running from the right of his hair line down to his eyebrow. If it was anybody else they wouldn't have pulled it off but with Jasper it just added to his bad boy image. No one knows the actual truth of how he got it. He just came back to school one day with it and the rumors started. I didn't believe one of them.

I took another quick glance around the room thinking about how different we all are. I'm quite surprised we had all of the main different cliques in one class. It was then that I noticed a small tiny figure sitting in the corner of the room sketching in a sketch pad. It was Alice Brandon. She was so invisible in this school I almost didn't even notice. I guess she was the only one who was different from us. It's probably what made her an outcast.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by an announcement being made by my personal acquaintance, Mr. Greene.

"Good Afternoon everyone, I would just like ask for all seniors to please make their way to the auditorium. Thank you" Mr. Greene's voice said over the speakers.

Everyone in the room slowly stood up all talking about what it could possibly be about this time. They were all excited something actually exciting might happen in this town. My friends and I all started to walk towards the auditorium laughing at Kate's expense. She had been caught having sex with some random out the front of her house by her mum and dad.

"Don't laugh it wasn't funny. The guy couldn't have gotten his pants up faster. It didn't help that my dad was threatening to blow his head off and call the cops" Kate tried to make us understand and stop laughing.

"Was he even worth the trouble?" I asked in between laughs.

"Yes! I was so close. God did he make me scream!" Kate said with lust in her eyes as she thought about the previous events.

"Maybe you should try to be a bit quieter next time Kate" Eleazer laughed loudly.

"Yeah we all know you sure can be loud" Garrett said seriously. Kate and Garrett have a friend with benefits kind of relationship but there aren't any feelings there yet.

"I know you love how I scream out in pleasure" Kate smirked at Garrett with lust while she whispered in his ear but still loud enough so the rest of us could still hear. Garrett was obviously thinking very inappropriate things about her at the moment since I could see the bulge in his pants.

"Hey Garrett, it's rude to point" I smirked as Eleazer and Carmen laughed even more as we tried to find seats in the auditorium.

"Don't you like it when I point Bella? Maybe I should point a little closer" he replied in a cocky tone. I just smirked even more and walked up to him. I pushed my body up against his and lean up towards him. I didn't care about the audience but I could still hear Eleazer, Carmen and Kate laughing. People could think whatever they like.

"You would like that wouldn't you" I whispered seductively in his ear. His eyes snapped to my face quickly knowing I was being a tease. I just gave him a quick smirk before I grabbed his head and pulled him in for a quick peck on the cheek. I didn't mean anything it was just something I did to tease him. He glared at me quickly but didn't get to say anything as Mr. Greene started talking at the front of the room.

"As you all know Challenge day is coming up. I have noticed how there is many different cliques here at our school, Forks High. It disappoints me that you aren't grown up enough to step outside of your comfort zone and make friends with someone not in your cliques. So I have decided to call in the TV show from MTV, _If You Really Knew Me_" Mr. Greene informed us, talking broke out from all over the room. I could hear Kate and Carmen gush about how cool it would be to be on TV. I just rolled my eyes at them and turned back towards the front.

"Now as it is the end of the week I'm going to hand out some forms I will need you and your parents or guardians to sign for permission to be on the show and to be filmed. It will be held in here next Tuesday. So I will need all forms handed in on the Monday. I know its short notice but there were a few changes that had to be made and the only time we can do it is then. Now if you could please as you are leaving grab a form that is at the door. You're dismissed" Mr. Greene droned on. I said by to everyone before I left for the weekend. I grabbed my form notice and made my way to my locker to grab my bag.

I had all my stuff and made my way over to my baby girl. I could all the whispers about challenge day and what would happen. I was just bored and couldn't wait for it to be over. I didn't like talking about myself. It would only lead to me becoming weak again and I fought so hard to get back up from where I fell. I don't think I could get back out of that deep black hole again by myself. I quickly got into Christine and turned up the music so it could drown out my thoughts. I drove out of the school needing to get away before it made me have thoughts of anything else I didn't want or need to. All I knew about challenge day is that there will be a lot of tears and secrets revealed. I'm not looking forward to it.

I arrived home and saw mums car in the driveway. I smiled realizing that she is home early. I got out the car quickly and grabbed my bag to go in and see my mum.

"Mum I'm home!" I yelled out as I walked in. I dropped my bag next to the couch.

"I'm in the kitchen honey" I heard her yell back. I made my way to the kitchen and smelt the smell of something burning. She was trying to cook again. I looked through the doorway and saw her trying to save something that looked like spaghetti sauce. I laughed quietly at her and walked over to take over. She smiled gratefully at me and just moved out the way knowing she would just cause another disaster in the kitchen. I threw it all out because it couldn't have been saved. I got out everything to start making it again.

"Can you please sign that form on the table?" I asked her while I turned on the stove and started to cook the spaghetti.

"Sure. What's it for though?" Mum asked me as she looked for a pen.

"We have challenge day Tuesday and they have decided to bring in the TV show _If You Really Knew Me_" I explained.

"Does that mean you will be on TV then?" She asked me curiously as she smiled victoriously when she found a pen and started to sign her name.

"Maybe but I'm not really sure. I hope it isn't though" I answered unsure but with honesty.

"What is this TV show about anyway?" Mum asked wanting to know why I was reluctant to do it. She had put down the pen now after she signed her name and gave me her full attention.

"It's where you sit in a group with people you barely even known and spill all your secrets and fears. It's to try and make us realize we aren't the only ones who feel like that and blah, blah, blah" I told her unenthusiastically.

"Oh come on Bella. Who knows maybe it will be good for you and you will make some new friends?" She said trying to hint at me but I wasn't going to budge.

"No Mum it's just going to make me be with a group of people and listen to their sob stories of which I really don't even care about" I said bluntly.

"Bella don't be like that" she scolded. I rolled my eyes and turned back to the pasta sauce I was making.

"Can you set the table up for when we eat?" I said making it quite obvious I didn't want to talk about it anymore. It would just cause arguments and I didn't want to with my mum. She was really the only stable and reliable parent in my life at the moment and I didn't want to lose that. I have been on edge with her lately. I think she might want to send me away to boarding school or something because of my behavior. I met her eyes and she gave me that look that just said could I just try for her at least. I rolled my eyes but still answered her silent question.

"Ok I will try but that's all you're going to get. I'm not going to walk in there and just spill all my secrets but I will try not to be inconsiderate of people when they are talking. I'm not giving you any promises though" I comprised knowing it was the best I was going to give her and she must have known it too.

"I guess that will have to do seeing as it's the best I'm going to get from you" Mum sighed as I nodded my head in agreement. She started to set the table with a sigh but I could tell she was at least happy I was going to try.

We worked in silence from then on, the only sounds where from the plates and cutlery Mum was grabbing and from the sounds of the water boiling and the spaghetti sauce sizzling.

The rest of my weekend consisted of me watching reruns of Two and a Half Men and Friends. I didn't feel like partying this week seeing as what I had on my mind thanks to challenge day. I was wondering what I would say when it came to me. I didn't know if I would lie or just not say anything at all. I was opting for the latter because I never have like to lie and quite honestly I suck at it. Mum wasn't home much because she has found a new hobby. She has joined a book club in Port Angeles. She asked me if I wanted to join her but I honestly couldn't be bothered even leaving the house. I have been debating if I should just leave the form and say I forgot it so I don't have to do challenge day but I don't think it will work and they will just make me do it and just not put me on TV. Either way I wasn't happy.

I went to bed early on Sunday already knew that the school buzz about an MTV show coming to our school would be huge and I wasn't looking forward to it. As soon as my head hit the pillow though all thoughts flew out of my head and I fell asleep quickly.

**Hey everyone let me know what you think. This is my second story but my first one is still incomplete at the moment I just wanted to post this to see if I should continue it or not. All feedback is welcome good or bad but please don't be rude about it. Anyway for anyone who has read my other story Famous Tragedy then I would just like to say it is still coming I'm trying to plan ahead with it so it doesn't come out screwed. Bye!**

**Don't be afraid to review :D**


	2. Laughing in the now

**Hey everyone I would just like to say thank you to all who has favorite, alerted, reviewed or even just read it. It means a lot to me. More than you could even know. Now I would just like to say no copyrights please. It's just my writing is very sacred to me. Now I'm sorry for the wait but I have just moved schools and my mum was in hospital she is getting out today and I wrote this while waiting for her to get home with my sister. Anyway enough from me and on with the story.**

When I awoke to my alarm clock blaring at me to wake up for a day at school I just knew that it was going to be hell. I considered just skipping but decided against seeing as I told my mum that I would try and if was going to try I would have to hand in that permission slip today. So I rolled out of bed with a loud sigh escaping my lips and got ready for another tiring day. After I was dressed and ready for school I ran down the stairs almost making it down safely, key word being almost because just as I was about to run down the last three steps I lost my footing and slid down the remaining steps on my ass. It hurt like shit balls. Don't ask me what it is but I can have a very own language when I injure myself, which is every day.

"Did you fall down the stairs again, Bella?" Mum called out with humor in her voice. I rolled my eyes and cursed my clumsiness for always bringing me down. Literally.

"Yes I did but it's not my fault. I swear they have a death wish out on me" I grumbled as I got out cereal for breakfast.

"Maybe you should be a bit more careful, dear, or we could always wrap you up in bubble wrap so even if you do fall you won't hurt yourself" She laughed out.

"No way because I would always be making little farting noises and my friends will think it would be hilarious to pop every little bubble until I went crazy. Bubble wrap makes people act very immature Mum. Even me" I explained taking the subject seriously. Knowing Mum she would go out and buy enough bubble wrap to cover me and then some more just to pop.

"You do have a point but enough about this talk I got to get to my book club meeting" Mum said while putting her dish in the sink and giving me a kiss on the forehead with a quick 'I love you' and 'bye' as she made her way out the front door.

I rolled my eyes and decided to head off to school before I was late and got another detention I wasn't going to go to. I washed my dish as well as Mum's and made my out the door and into the garage. We kept Christine in there because I declared I was going to go on strike with cooking if she didn't get a proper place to rest and be sheltered. I know it might seem crazy but as long as she is happy, and I know when she is, I'm happy.

The drive to school was filled with classical music. I don't know why but I love it. It has a sense of depth to it. Even though there are no words it portrays what they are feeling… perfectly. It's like you are feeling it to and if you are it's like you're not alone. I don't know if it's just me that feels this way but I wouldn't be without music. It can relate to you when sometimes words can't.

I arrived at school and saw that Carmen, Eleazer and Garrett were here already. I couldn't see Irina or Kate anywhere. They probably weren't even here yet or hooking up with a guy. They might seem a bit slutty but they actually know the guys and I could count on my hands how many guys they have slept with. It's just they sleep with them more than once. I mean sure at a party they would just make out with a random but so have I. People do some crazy shit when they are drunk.

I parked my car taking up two car parks. I didn't want anyone to hit her and leave my baby scratched because then I would have to kill someone. I was very protective of her. I got out of Christine and pulled out a cigarette as I walked over to Carmen, Eleazer and Garrett. I was lighting it up as I approached them when I heard someone yell out "Watch out!" I turned quickly and saw a football flying in my directions. I sighed and put my lighter in my pocket quickly and left my cigarette hanging from my mouth as I quickly lifted my hand to catch it. I may be clumsy but my dad loves football and before he enlisted into the army he taught me the basics of how to play. I'm just as passionate as him in football.

"Some help, little girl, or can't you throw that far!" I heard Emmett yell out while all his friends laughed like fucking hyenas. They are laughing at me when I could throw better than half of those dicks. I just smirked as I lift my arm, pulled it back and snapped it forward. I watched as it spun in the air and hit Emmett straight in the balls. I heard him groaned as he dropped to the floor as people gasped in shock that someone would do that to him.

"Opps, it slipped but I guess I can throw that far" I called out to him in a false innocent tone. I turned around with a smirk on my lips as I took a drag of my smoke and let the innocent act fall as I yelled out "Watch your fucking mouth next time you fucking cock sucking mother fucker"

"Go Bella!" I heard Garrett yell out. I smirked as I walked up to him. He gave me a quick hug as Eleazer rambled about how fucking awesome that was.

"Ok as awesome as that was Bella you better pray that we can still go to his party" I heard Kate say from behind me. I turned around with the smirk still on my lips "Of course we will still be fucking going and fucking besides I don't pray"

The bell rang and people started to make their way to class. I just rolled my eyes as I saw Eleazer and Carmen leave for class. Kate and Garrett just sat back on the picnic table next to us.

"Does anyone feel like skipping today?" Kate asked with a smile.

"Well I can't. I got to hand in that stupid permission slip for tomorrow" I grumbled. I was not happy about it in the slightest.

"Oh shit yeah. I forgot. Well how about at lunch time" She compromised with me.

"That I can do" I laughed "Now come on Garrett. You are giving me a ride to class"

He just shook his head but turned around bending his knees so I could get on. I smiled as I put out my cigarette and jumped onto his back and wrapped my legs around his waist. Kate smacked my ass as she walked past to head to class.

"See you later bitches" She yelled back over her shoulder.

"Come on we got class to attend to" I whispered into his ear. He laughed as my breath tickled his ear but complied and headed off to Home room. We laughed and joked around on the way. I knew we were late but at least I was going. We were still laughing loudly as we entered class. Everyone turned to look at us.

"Miss Swan and Mr. Lockworth, I'm surprised you have decided to come today" Ms. Stewart said in a voice she thought was full of authority but it just sounded made her sound even more like a snooty bitch.

"Whatever at least we fucking came" I snarled from Garrett's back.

"Miss Swan could you please refrain from using that language in my class and get off of Mr. Lockworth's back" She instructed me but not that I was going to listen to her anyway.

"No and no but here is that stupid permission slip for tomorrow" I said as I pulled it out of my back pocket and passed it to Garrett to put on her desk. He knew what I wanted without asking and did what I wanted him to do. Ms. Stewart just sighed in frustration but didn't say anything else. Garrett walked to the back of the room and put me down on my desk and sat on his desk beside me as we started to talk about what we should do at lunch because knowing Kate she hadn't thought it through that far yet.

**-If You Really Knew Me-**

The rest of the day passed in a blur and when lunch time rolled around I couldn't wait to get out of here with my friends. I decided to just wait for them at my car. When I got there I heard some muffled moans and screams of pleasure coming from the car next to mine. It was a silver Volvo that I recognized as Edward Cullen's car. I rolled my eyes at it but just leaned against my car and lit up a cigarette. I saw Irina make her way over to me with Carmen and Eleazer. I silently wondered when she got here but didn't bother asking.

"Where's Kate?" I asked them when they were close enough to hear me.

"She said she will be here in 5 minutes. She got held behind in class. Mr. Burn wanted to speak to her. I think she is failing that class" Irina explained.

Before I could anyone could say anything else there was a loud scream followed by a grunt from Edward's backseat. I started to laugh quietly when I saw Lauren climbed out of the backseat.

"Never took you for a screamer, Mallory" I laughed loudly. I heard a quiet chuckle from the backseat before Edward climbed out after her.

"Shut up, Swan. You're just jealous that you can't get any and I can" she sneered.

"Oh 'cause I'm so jealous" I rolled my eyes "And whoever said I don't get any Mallory. I just happen to do it with a bit more class and not display it for everyone to know… and hear" I snarled. She made a noise of frustration and stopped her foot like a two year old but didn't say anything back to me. She stomped off towards the directions of the cafeteria but not without giving Edward a kiss on the cheek and whispering something in his ear. I rolled my eyes at her antics but didn't say anything.

Edward turned towards us with a smirk on his lips. "Eavesdropping?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

"No actually I was just at my car and Lauren happens to be loud but why don't you quit questioning me and go find another girl to bang" I said with a fake smile on my face and sugar sweet voice that made me want to gag.

"I don't need to find another girl when they are all waiting in line to get of this" he smirked seductively while gesturing towards himself. I rolled my eyes at him and went to make a comeback when Kate come flying out of the school building and came running towards us.

"Konichiwa bitches" Kate screamed out in greeting. I laughed at her usual antics and turned towards Christine.

"Where to, babes?" I asked Kate. I happened to like calling people babe but only people I like. I don't give it out to random people. They have to earn the fucking damn title because that shit means I like you and I don't like many people.

"We are going to Garrett's house" she smiled widely.

"Why my house?" Garrett questioned her.

"Well because I scored some new shit off Jasper and your parents are away on a business trip so we won't get busted" she explained and he nodded in understanding. She turned around then and noticed Edward for the first time.

"What is he doing here?" Kate asked as she pointed at him.

"He just finished fucking Lauren in his backseat and she is loud by the way" I laughed "though fucked if I know why he is still here and I don't care anyway I just want to get out of here so if you're coming or not I'm fucking leaving"

Kate shrugged and forgot about the topic as she yelled "shotgun" and slid across of the hood of my fucking car with her fucking tight ass jeans with chains and pointy shit hanging off them. On. My. Fucking. Car.

"Watch the fucking car, bitch. You could fucking scratch her with all the fucking shit you having coming off your clothes" I said with anger while I searched my baby for any scratches but then she said the worst thing ever.

"It's just a bloody car, Bella. It doesn't have feelings" she rolled her eyes as she got into the front seat while I froze in my spot.

"Just a car. Just a fucking car. This baby's a 2010 RCR Series 3 Chevy Camaro and she probably has more fucking feelings in her than your cold fucking heart bitch. So if you think Christine is just a fucking car then you can get the fuck out of her" I ranted at her trying to keep my anger in check so I didn't strangle the life out of her.

"Shit sorry Bella. I forgot how you're protective of your ca-… um of her" she stumbled over her words. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. I opened my eyes again and just got in my beautiful baby girl. Everyone just didn't move like they were waiting for me to explode at any given minute. I just started to get even more frustrated but kept my temper in check.

"Are you guys coming or not?" I finally snapped at them. They all quickly moved and piled in Christine. I turned the radio on to listen to music and pulled out of the school parking lot and away from there so fast all that was left was a pile of dust and Edward with a confused look on his face. I didn't really care what he thought but I must have looked like a real fucking freak defending Christine. I mean not many people, probably not anyone, feels the same way about their um… car. I mean it's hard for me to call something that is as beautiful as Christine just a car. It just can't be done. It's too painful to even think of her like that. I was pulled out of my thoughts when Carmen decided to break the tension filled silence that I had created.

"Why don't you two just kiss and make up already?" she suggested but before either Kate or I could answer her Garrett spoke up next.

"Do you mean that literally for them to kiss because that would be totally hot, like volcano erupting hot" he said with a lust filled tone.

"God you're such a pervert. Can't you just keep your mind out of the gutter" I told him off but I had a small smile on my lips. Garrett can always make me smile when I'm ready to rip someone's throat out and feed their head to a bunch of wolves.

"You know if you weren't good in bed and I didn't like dirty talk I would so not fuck you" Kate said informing us all once again of her sex life.

"Thanks Kate" Garrett told her seriously as his ego went up a notch. Kate just hummed in response but otherwise didn't say another word until we arrived at Garrett's house.

"Time to get fucked up bitches" Kate yelled really chirpy. That was just Kate though. She can't stay mad for long and you can't stay mad at her for long either. Kate and I fought but we were always over it in a matter of minutes. I think out of everyone I'm closer to her the most because she is the one that has always been there for me. No one else has seen me cry but she has and she didn't say a word. She just held me and didn't ask any questions about it once but instead got me so stoned I couldn't even remember why I was crying in the first place. She was the one that always had my back in fights and cleaned me up afterwards. She was the only one who had the slightest clue of what I have been through. She is my best friend and that's why I love her for everything she is and I don't mean that in a sexual way. She is just the sister I never had.

We all started to make our way inside and go towards Garrett's bedroom upstairs. Garrett's home wasn't big. It was actually more on the small side but it was a home. You could tell someone lived here and I loved it. I hate when I go to someone's house and it feels sterile and like a museum. It made me uncomfortable, like I couldn't even sit down. Those houses don't feel like a home but just where someone resides in.

When I got to Garrett's room I just laid down horizontal on his bed waiting for Kate to get the damn joint ready so I could get stoned. One thing about good about being stoned, it makes you forget and right now I need to forget because all that has been going through my head is about that stupid challenge day tomorrow. It made me think about all the things I have tried for the last two years to not acknowledge, to just keep at the back of my mind for a day that I hoped never came but it's on its way. It's tomorrow.

I was pulled out of my thoughts once again when Eleazer and Carmen shook the bed as they climbed their way to the head board. Eleazer laid his legs out in front of him while Carmen curled into his side. He looked down at her and I could see the love passing in between them with just that one look. They were meant for each other. He whispered something in her ear and she put her head down with a slight blush to her cheeks but mumbled something back. Eleazer lifted her head up with his fingers and kissed her softly on the lips. The kiss started to get more passionate so I turned to look away but I heard them mumble something to each and this time I could understand them. They had whispered 'I love you' to each other.

Hearing them say that to each and watching them I felt a stir of something rise in my chest and I knew what it was. I was jealous of what they have. They have someone to tell them that someone loves them. Carmen has someone to tell her she is beautiful. She has someone to tell her that her life is worth waking up to. I could count on my two hands how many times I've been told someone loves me, it's all from my parents and once from Kate. I can count on one hand how many times I have been called beautiful and even then it was only once from my mum, once from my dad and they never told me again. I can count on just one finger how many times someone told my life is worth waking up to but I guess it doesn't count because my therapist said it to me, all the times those things got said to me was when I was going through a hard time, when I have been crying and on the verge of taking my own life. I mean my parents think I know that they love me so they don't tell me but just sometimes I would like to be reassured that I'm loved. They would tell me every once in a while when I was young and innocent but not anymore. I think it is because they have realized that I'm just fucked up and I am going to be a good for nothing daughter. It's strange to think this when everyone else has parents to love them and worship them. The people at my school would never understand what I've gone through and what I'm still going through. That stupid show If You Really Knew Me is not going to change me and help me. It's just going to make me weak and fall back down to my knees and this time it will be public.

The joint got lit up and passed around. When it reached me I took a long drag, letting it fill my lung and slowly released it back out between my lips. I passed it up to Eleazer with my eyes still closed. We continued to do this until there was nothing left of the joint and just sat talking about random shit and joking around. I loved this feeling. It made me feel like a feather and I was just drifting through the wind. It's an amazing feeling. I wondered what it would feel like to fly.

"What do think would happen if we were birds?" I asked seriously.

"That you would get to shit on Lauren Mallory's skanky ass" Kate said just as serious. I laughed imaging Kate as a bird shitting on Lauren. Soon we were all laughing and then we didn't even know why we were laughing. It was intoxicating and I couldn't stop.

The rest of the night passed in a blur full of laugher. It was a good feeling to just laugh. Laugher is like a drug. You just want it so bad and when you have it you don't want to stop. It takes over your thoughts and your life for that moment. It just erases the past and the future but it leaves you in the now. And right now I was blissful. I was floating and I knew I would soon come crashing down when the wind falls from under my wings but I couldn't care less right now because I was laughing.

"Are you afraid of clowns Bella?" Carmen asked me. They were talking and laughing about their fears, the times the confronted them and ran from them. Carmen happened to have a fear of clowns. She never told me why but I know she has told Eleazer. I don't think there is one thing they haven't told each other.

"No" I replied.

"What are you afraid of then?" she asked curiously.

I didn't say anything. I _couldn't _say anything. Saying my fears meant I had to admit to them and admitting my fears to anyone is one of my fears. And I wasn't ready to face my fears. My fears aren't any ordinary fears. I don't fear what normal people fear. I fear things that no one could ever understand. If I ever admitted my fears to someone I think they would lock me up and throw away the key and I think if that would happen my parents would feel relief. I think if I had died they would still feel relief. They wouldn't have the weight of a fucked up daughter on their shoulders. They could move on with their lives without the worry of me anymore. My friends would be upset but then they would get so stoned they wouldn't even remember why they were upset in the first place. It's kind of sad that I know that already but yet I still stick around when I know I have no place on this earth. So instead of answering her question i avoided it.

"I should go. My mum will be worried" I said with my eyes on the floor as I collected my stuff. I could feel their eyes on me but I didn't make contact with any of them.

"Are you all staying here the night or do any of you need a ride home?" I asked. I didn't want to just leave them here when I knew all their cars would be at school still. They all shook their heads no. I kissed them all on the cheeks and muttered goodbye.

"I will be here in the morning to pick you up and then you can all pick your cars up from school tomorrow" I told them as I walked out the door. I got into Christine and drove home with my fears on my mind.

When I arrived home my mum was already in bed. She wasn't waiting up like a concerned parent even though I said I would be in right after school and it was now one o'clock in the morning. I wasn't angry at her. I knew she would just assume if I was in trouble the police would drive me home or she would get a phone call. I think from the countless nights I never arrived home she just gave up with it and if I was home in the morning, I was home.

I made my way upstairs quietly so I didn't wake her when I heard soft giggles coming from her bedroom. I paused in the doorway to my room and softly put my bag down on the floor so it didn't make a sound. I tiptoed my way slowly towards my mum's bedroom at the end of the hallway and stopped outside her door to listen. I heard her emit another giggle from her room. I listened even closer to see if she was on the phone to my dad or something when I heard him, a stranger who wasn't my dad but another man that was taking his place. I was frozen in my spot when the giggles turned into moans. I couldn't believe it and I didn't want to hear anymore but I needed to know. I slowly opened the door a sliver so I could see inside my mother's room and what I saw I will never forgive her for. There she was, my married mother, lying on her bed in nothing but her underwear on and a man with blonde hair above her while he kissed down her neck making her emit even more moans. I saw her bra get unclasped and then this stranger slid her underwear down her legs. It was like a train wreck, so terrible but you can't look away and trust I wanted to look away but I wondered how long it would take before she finally noticed I was standing there. Just as they were about to finish the deed I couldn't watch anymore. I finally tore my eyes away from it and slowly closed the door behind while making my way back to my bedroom.

I closed my eyes while I lay in bed but I couldn't take my mind off what was happening right down the hall from my room. It was this moment that the wind fell out from underneath my wings. I didn't have the laughter that I did before to help me fly. I didn't have the drugs to make me float away. I wasn't stuck in the _now _anymore. I _now _just had the past, the present, the future and none of them looked that good. It was moments like these that I wished for that laughter but I had no one to make me laugh.

**Ok so there it is sorry for the wait and I'm sorry its short but I wanted to leave it there it just seemed right to not put anymore in this chapter. No please review and leave your thoughts about this below thanks :D**


End file.
